AS LONG AS THERE'S CHRISTMAS

 

 

 

The first few lights glow brightly,
as you watch the season start.
You know you should be happy,
but don't feel it in your heart.

Instead you think about a time
when someone laughed with you,
and the love you shared then filled your soul.
But too soon it was through.

So Christmas comes with sadness,
and a yearning deep inside,
a thirst for love and peace and hope
that will not be denied.

Late one night you hear a voice,
so soft, and without blame,
and then, surprised, you realize,
He's calling you by name.

"I know your hurt and loneliness,
the heartache that you bear.
I listen and I cry with you
through every single prayer.

"I promised in the manger
and fulfilled it from the cross.
I built a home that's filled with love
for all those who are lost.

"So let me come and heal your heart
and give you rest within.
For my way is kind and gentle
and will bring you joy again."

His words still echo through the years,
a vow that He made true,
"As long as there's a Christmas,
I will be in love with you."

--Jack Zavada

Temptation isn't only in Eden

I feel compelled to write about something personal today; so compelled that I can’t think of much else until I write this down. I want to talk about Temptation. We all feel it. Some of us don’t even recognize when it’s happening or how to stay away from it but we are ALL are tempted. Perhaps the most challenging human condition of all is “wanting what we can’t have”. We live in a consumer society where everything is obtainable.. how we want it and when we want it.  Our generation has become a stranger to sacrifice because life has grown so much easier over time. We no longer have to struggle as hard to provide for our families, stay healthy and be productive in society. So it only makes sense that we often take the easy way out; easy feels natural to us.

I would like to believe that I am capable of patience and sacrifice but I frequently struggle to act out these qualities in my love life. Unlike most people, I am not tempted by shiny possessions or money. The minute I fall for someone, however, I HAVE to be with them. I have a very difficult time shutting off my feelings, sometimes even when I know it’s wrong to have them. When I am tempted, my inclination is to struggle against it. I know in my heart and in my gut the right decision to make and I try to go with that. God gave “us” (well some of us…) a conscience for a reason. I get a bad feeling in my bones when I know something isn’t right. Most of us know when we are doing wrong but we won’t admit it to ourselves. We live in denial, trying to convince ourselves that our actions are ok…because "the heart wants what it wants".

 

Sometimes, I think that certain things have happened to me in my life BECAUSE I have struggled with this issue. In the past, I have had crushes on people who were unavailable… and then one day, I found myself on the opposite side of the fence. That was a life changer! Now that I'm older and a bit wiser, I try to be considerate of other people. TRY being the opportune word. I still want things that I shouldn't but I pray for God to take away whatever is tempting me and I step away. That’s the hardest step to take for someone who is used to getting what she wants. All of the other stuff is Smooth Sailing.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that no one is exempt from temptation. In your relationship, there must have been a time or two when you felt a connection with someone who was not your partner. We are all susceptible/vulnerable but it's our actions that matter! I’m not trying to preach at anyone and I have no room to do so but I believe that this topic applies to all of us. Maybe some of you can identify with where I’m coming from and if so, I want you to know that you are only human :-)

The Model Process: From the M to the L

It has crossed my mind that many people don't realize the ridiculous lengths that us models go to before we get in front of the camera. The endless comparisons women subject themselves to are just unrealistic (I am guilty of it as well) which is why I thought it important to show you that in photography, we always begin with an empty canvas. Nobody wakes up looking like a model. We are all just a canvas of God, who is constantly brightening and rearranging our colors :-) Here is where I begin when preparing for a photoshoot:

It starts with a clean face.

 In the winter time, a pale face. 

In this instance, it also starts with a wig cap (yes, the red was just for show). My hair is incapable of holding curl in outdoor conditions and I've always wanted to be a redhead so I figured why not?

 

Trying on the wig!!

 Typically, my week before any shoot is just spent dreaming: thinking of ideas, putting outfits together, brainstorming locations with the photographer, ect. The night before this particular shoot, I tried on at least 20 outfits and exchanged photographs and countless ideas with the photographer. We must have gone back and forth for hours but this is my absolute favorite part of the process. It's our "creative brainchild". Matching the shoes, the hats, the gloves, coming up with photo story lines, posing ideas, hair ideas..you name it! Here is one outfit idea we actually ended up using:

 

After all of the planning is done in preparation for the shoot, we do makeup: False Eyelashes, penciled in eyebrows, bronzer and blush for color, the works!! Two of my "made up beauty tricks" have been lifesavers and I'd love to share them:

A) I mix lotion, BB Cream and Liquid bronzer (equal amount of each) and apply to my cheek bones before applying blush. This will give you a nice natural glow

B) I also put oil on my eyebrows before drawing them in. WEIRD RIGHT? I discovered this one time after waxing my eyebrows. They give you the tiny container of oil to get the excess wax off of your face. When I went to apply my eyebrows later, the pencil went on so smoothly! Just a little dab will do. Then I seal the deal with hairspray on my eyebrow brush.

 

And finally, we lug all of our gear to the shoot location and have at it!! This includes a full length mirror, multiple outfits, undergarments and accessories, camera and lighting gear, makeup for touch ups, water and snacks, comfy boots for long distance walking (not so easy in stilettos) and then we begin! Eventually, after the best photos are chosen and once the editing is done, we arrive at the final product with a sense of satisfaction!

There's no business like show business

L is for the Loneliest Feeling; D is for Disaster

I don't proclaim to be William Shakespeare or Dante, however, the one topic I do consider myself an expert on is "love and tragedy". Deep down, in the darkest parts of everyone's minds, we all love a good calamity. Romeo and Juliet, the Great Gatsby and countless others were all written about love and loss. Rightfully so, some people still believe that the only kind of true love is that which is unrequited. To me, that sounds a bit brutal but perhaps we simply relish in an ending that is more realistic than the movies we see in the theaters? Maybe we are all just a little sadistic.

We obsess over love to the point of not being realistic. Creating fantasies in our head that we think will lead to the perfect life with the perfect partner. When reality comes knocking on the door (or rather beating it down), the illusion is ruptured and the relationship is often torn apart, along with the people in it. Wouldn't it be more beneficial then, lets say, to create a relationship founded in reality? One with imperfections and rocky roads and blatant honesty? That way, when things inevitably start to crumble a bit, the whole foundation isn't torn down? Accepting life with it's imperfections, along with accepting others as they are is a far less dangerous road than living in denial. 

Sometimes, however, the fantasy can just be too good to turn it off....

So I had this idea. Brilliant or crazy...I'm passionate about it. We woman are all insanely hard on ourselves. "My lips are too big. My breasts are too small. My toes curve in. My hair grows too fast. My hair grows too slow". You see how ridiculous this sounds from an outside perspective but we all go there on a daily basis. So my idea: Create a blog that shows the beauty in imperfection and in what we classify as "ugly". I'm a model, I've been told I seem extremely put together.... but I am %100 imperfect. It's time we start loving EVERYTHING about ourselves...even the things we think are unlovable because this is how our creator loves us. Lets embrace a new way of thinking together.

First of all let me say, yes, I wear a mouth guard. After years of grinding, my dad's teeth became so thin and brittle they started breaking off. Grinding runs in my family (and not the kind of grinding you are thinking about eww). I honor my body over vanity any day of the week.

Ladies, you don't ALWAYS need to have a perfect mani/pedi. Lets face it, sometimes there just isn't enough money on the tree. For me, there never is. If you have a steady hand to paint your nails and sand to exfoliate your toes, you'll get by.

GUILTY: I am a nail biter. It is an icky habit but I must admit, it still paints a pretty portrait, right? How we perceive ourselves is NOT how others perceive us.

This is the hardest one for me as it is the most personal. Just like anyone, sometimes I get really really sad. Divorce, illness, feeling alone, you name it, I have been there. Don't allow anyone to make you feel bad about your emotions. They are YOUR emotions to have. Embrace who you are, follow your instincts and love yourself for even the dark parts about YOU. They will allow you to recognize the light. This is what I look like when I get depressed. And it is OK. It happens. Life can be hard and We do the best we can. Just keep loving yourself through it and trust in your guiding light.

Just a little slogan I found. I can't tell you how true this has been for me. Allow the good to work through the bad if you can. If you can't, just be patient until you can!

 TRUE STORY. Not all marriages have a happy ending. For Christians especially, it is very VERY hard to not punish ourselves for that. You do all you can do but sometimes, you just have to accept the cards that life has dealt you...and roll with it. Look at what you have instead of what you don't have. Focus on what you can do for others instead of what YOU need to feel better.

I went into my first Catholic Penance Ceremony this year. For those of you who don't know what penance is, it is an annual service just before Easter where you confess your sins to a priest and shake off the "rust around the edges" your soul may have accumulated throughout the year. It is a time for you to realize you are forgiven and to forgive yourself.

I went into that little booth expecting the worst. I'm divorced on paper, but my marriage has not been annulled by the Catholic church. I've fallen in love since my divorce with men who are not my husband. You know what? I went in and gave the priest the whole dirty business. This man who I expected to condemn me, to be horrified by my ugly actions, spoke to me with love and understanding. He encouraged me to date. He was human. He had empathy. We are SO hard on ourselves in yet others are never even half as critical! Here is a perfect example:

I love the person I am but there are stretches where I can honestly say that "I do not feel attractive".
Those are the times I like to pull up Pinterest.
I LOVE to see people still getting excited about my work years after it's created.
I LOVE to see women get excited about the clothes and hair.
I LOVE to imagine a character and bring it to life through photography
It makes me feel important. We need to continue to do the things that remind us we are valuable.