Acting Married Without Being Married

I had a conversation tonight that I feel like I need to share. 
Maybe some of you have felt this way but like me, didn't know how to put it into words. So, as the discussion goes,"last night, I said a prayer to God. I prayed 'teach me how to act married without actually being married'".

I don't have any regrets about getting divorced, however, I can honestly say that I miss the way that being married made me feel and act. I was a good person; a whole person. With the romantic portion of my life settled, I had time and energy to focus on the things that really mattered: things like family and being good to others. There was a sort of purity about it and with that, joy. 

What is leftover is the unsettled element that goes with being single. Perhaps my home life is lacking because I have no family close by. I truly believe, in my heart of hearts, that the ups and downs of dating can distract a person from the things that really matter in life. You get put off-course. So how do we act married (aka, pure of heart,fulfilled,and generally undistracted/undistressed) without actually being married?

I wish I had the answer but I am sure it has a lot to do with God. It has occurred to me lately that I have been filling my self up with "nighttime activities" instead of "daytime activities". What falls under the category of nighttime activities? Glad you asked! That would be:

-Interactions with people while you are drinking or while they are drinking (not based in realism)
-Indulging in anything that seems ok at nighttime but you wouldn't ordinarily do in the day time
-Having fun rather than helping other people or working toward your dreams

It seems like the nighttime will pump you up temporarily but it's the things that happen in the daytime, in the light, that build us up long-term. The Bible tells us that anything done is secrecy is done in darkness unless you bring it to the light. So if we are going to do a comparison, how are daytime activities going to help us act more married? Well, when you were married, did you focus more on creating a tangible home life than on partying and seeking validation? I know I did. So lets think about what the "light" brings to the table:

-A sense of confidence and clarity because you are having genuine interactions with people...without alcohol
-You ultimately receive what you put out into the world.
-More time to focus on accomplishing goals and fulfilling dreams. Lets face it, no one ever accomplished their dreams by kicking back and having fun every night

I am writing this because I am trying to figure life out on paper, not because I have all the answers. I am realizing more and more that the qualities I want to project into the world haven't been matching up with my actions. I don't know about you but I think I will try to become a daytime person for awhile?...lets see how that goes!

L.O.V.E. and WomanHood

Sometimes I don’t know what it means to be a woman. Does it mean guarding yourself? Protecting your relationships like a lioness defending her territory? Or does it mean being vulnerable and wearing your heart on your sleeve? I think it means something different for each of us but too often we punish ourselves for being different. Different is how we were made. Different is how we were meant to be. I don’t typically sit around twirling my hair around my finger like a princess. I don’t always have shaved legs or painted toes even but I know that I’m beautiful. I know this because I am passionate about many things that have nothing to do with exterior.  I am also superbly passionate about love. Who needs painted toes when you have love? And when love is true, you don’t feel the need to try so hard to put on a perfect face. You can just be whoever, whatever you are. Love makes everything easy. Loving yourself is even better. Loving others is a rush of euphoria. Some people in this world just have a way of making you feel supremely beautiful. Your personality blossoms like a flower. You feel you can succeed at almost anything. What could be better? That’s real love. That’s what I’ve had. That's what I expect. That’s what I want again...