Condependence, Intuition, This, That and The Other

I feel like my back is up against a wall right now and I really hate this feeling. Truly hate it. Is it just my stubborn nature rebelling against settling down? I read somewhere that many women aren’t meant to be tamed but instead, need somebody wild to run through life with them. That is pretty much my life story because I love the feeling of being free, of having a full life, of going where I please and of living each day to the fullest. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in compromise and I certainly believe in monogamy. I am willing to compromise with my husband but I am not willing to have my potential be limited or trapped in a box.  Love needs to be given and taken freely. Potential needs to be used.

There are two kinds of relationships. The first is one where partners remain independent individuals with mutual love and respect for one another. They schedule their lives similar to the way they did when they were single, utilizing free time to work on their dreams and to make an impact on the world. The second kind of relationship is one where two people meld together, spending the majority of their time together,ect, ect.  Where the relationship is actually “the big dream” and takes sole priority. They come home every night, eat dinner, watch tv, are comfortable and feel secure.  I have always known I was destined for more than that kind of life. I was not created to simply to be comfortable.

I am destined to live an extremely busy and full life; to feel like I have conquered the world at the end of every day.  For my life to function, I also need to also be with someone who is just as driven, busy and independent as I am, who is ok with me not always having a lot of time. I want a relationship where we both come and go as we please but look forward to being together when we can.  Even if we are apart all day, at the end of the night, we crawl into bed together and that’s enough on some days. We just cherish the time we have together and make time where we can. He doesn’t miss me after only being apart for 8 hours. I need to be with someone who is completely self-sufficient, someone who doesn’t “need” me, but “wants” me.

This man doesn’t need me to entertain him because his life is already full…he knows how to entertain himself and knows how to fill up his free time. He enjoys alone time and doesn’t get bored and restless after five minutes.  If I were to be with a codependent person instead of the man that I just described, I would be sacrificing the lifestyle I love and could honestly never be happy.  Many people live like this, using codependence to feel less empty. I choose to fill up my spaces with dreams, God, work and adventures. Love is an amazing bonus to all of that.  

Ladies, I will always always say, TRUST YOUR INTUITION. Even if it makes sense to no one else, DO NOT try to rationalize your way out of a gut feeling. You may not be able to put your gut feeling into words at the time but when you know someone is wrong for you, you just know. You could be marrying a man that meets all of the qualifications you wrote on your “theoretical checklist” but if something feels off, it probably is. God gave you intuition for a reason. Use it. What ends up happening with me is that, I try to convince myself that my gut feeling is wrong but over time, that feeling only gets stronger. Eventually, I have to say “I knew this person was wrong for me in the beginning & time has only made the truth more clear". By this point,emotions are usually involved and somebody gets hurt. 

It's unfortunate but Luckily, We Live and we Learn. 

So Please. Trust God. Trust Yourself. Trust your Body. It doesn’t lie.