To Be Catholic...or Not To Be Catholic?

I’ve been off of facebook for at least a week now and I can safely say that it’s one of the best things I have ever done. It has become apparent that I share too much with the outside world. On the contrary, I also hold the belief that sometimes, outsiders DO need to hear the imperfect, nitty, gritty truth. So I’ll be picking and choosing my battles in future.

Lately, maintaining faith has been a constant battle for me. Most agnostics say that they don’t assign themselves to any one religion, however, I have never been an agnostic. I have also never done anything “half-way”. I spent the majority of 2012-2013 becoming Catholic, a year-long initiation process that involved learning about the churches’ detailed practices And traditions. I truly enjoyed every minute of it. Since moving to Missouri, however, my relationship with God has become stale like old potatoes. I have tried 5 Catholic churches, none of which have felt like home. Being previously so passionate about the Catholic Faith and not wanting to just throw it away, I have struggled with the obstacle of truly not enjoying church. My faith life isn’t growing and I have become deeply discouraged.

Many people say that “God calls us to grow where we are planted and we should just stay put. Instead of looking to be fed by the church, we should be working to feed the church”. I agree with this to a certain extent. I feel when deciding on a church home, each person still has the right to search for a place that suits them before “planting and feeding”. Church should be a place that inspires you, teaches you and pushes you to grow in community with others..but No church is perfect.

What I’ve realized is that due to my own stubbornness and resistance to embrace a home in a nondenominational environment, my relationship with the Lord has grown weak. Mass feels unenjoyable to the extent where I literally have just stopped going. I had to take a hard long look in the mirror to realize that I was idolizing my religion more than the Lord himself.

Today I went to Bloom church for the first time. I felt connected, open, safe and embraced. Do I still “want” to be Catholic? You bet I do. Guaranteed that if I was at my Church in California, my heart would still be on fire for mass. But I’m not.. and I have to adapt and go where God is leading me. So many of us get stuck in conformity, trying to label ourselves as one denomination or another but we forget that we all worship the same God. It is really all about finding a place where we can serve God best and connect with like-minded people.

So what am I now? I don’t really have the answer for that. I am a Jesus lover who really enjoys the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church but fits better at a place like bloom. I am a wanderer searching for answers. The great news is that, there really is no “right” answer and I thank God for that.